• Peter Minkoff

Most Common Gay Dating Obstacles


Dating as a concept needs a great deal of patience, social skills, and the ability to assess people's intentions, whether they're waving green or red flags, and whether their values align with yours. It already appears to be difficult. Imagine being gay and having to deal with everything we've mentioned, plus a lot more. Gay dating is obviously distinct from heterosexual dating, and it can be more frustrating than fulfilling. We'll go over some of the common gay dating obstacles and guide you on how to better navigate the gay dating scene.


Not knowing whether a person is gay or not

The first obstacle in gay dating is reading people the right way. You need to know 100% whether a person is gay or not before you approach them. If you’re a newly out gay person, you might have trouble differentiating between those that are gay and those that just seem like they are. Not all gay people are openly out or have the same levels of openness. The solution here is to get to know the person first and then you’ll know if it will be just a friendship or you can consider them as a potential romantic possibility.


Not knowing what you want

Not knowing what you want in all areas of your life can rob you of your precious time and energy. Be honest with yourself first, have a deep conversation with yours truly and define what you want in your love life. This will help you focus only on dates that want the same and you won’t waste your time on people who want something entirely else. Simultaneously, don’t be so harsh to dismiss a person if he doesn’t tick all your boxes. Get to know the person first, value their consistency and then decide if the person is as close to your standards and expectations as possible.


Give apps a try, but don’t let them rule your life

Dating apps can be an immense source of frustration. But, only if you let them. Dating apps are a useful tool but only if you set up rules. Don’t swipe when you’re either bored or horny, because you might not be happy with the results. The frustration caused by dating apps can spill onto other areas of your life and drain all of your energy.


Instead, set up dating app intentions. Use them only when you’re in the right state of mind. This way you’ll make better swiping decisions. Second, limit the amount of time you wish to dedicate to apps. Is it just five swipes a day or 15 minutes a day? Lastly, when you find a good match, pause swiping. Start a conversation and see if it will be a coffee date or just another acquaintance.


Disappointment is more common

One of the reasons people experience disappointment when dating is because they inevitably have expectations. Honestly, it’s hard to not have any expectations if you like the person. Sometimes we expect too much too soon, other times we want that person because, at a first glance, they tick all of our boxes.


One of the ways to avoid constant rejection and disappointment is to dive deep into your core values and seek people that share the same. Signing up for gay matchmaking is a shortcut to people who want the same as you. A gay matchmaker is a bridge that connects you to each other and this option is worth exploring if you want to date people who are actually your match.


Jealousy

Jealousy is a common feeling and it’s often viewed as a measure of a person’s commitment to their romantic partner. If they like me, they will be jealous. If I’m jealous, it means that I like that person a lot. Unfortunately, jealousy is simply a sign of low self-esteem and low self-worth. While some pangs of jealousy are inevitable, it doesn’t have to be something that causes constant self-doubt or stress. If you do feel jealous, assess whether it’s coming from within or your date does something that you deem threatening to your relationship. If this is the case, you might want to discuss your boundaries and what behavior is and what isn’t acceptable in your relationship.


These five gay dating obstacles can prevent you from having success in your dating life. But, if you recognize them early on, you’ll know how to address them and change your behavior.